YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I met the friendliest cop last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize