the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
