and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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