I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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