I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
