I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
