There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
