he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize