Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
