I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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