A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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