i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
