I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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