when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
