I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
