there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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