one might say we're banned from that church
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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