shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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