Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
