I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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