An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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