dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
