I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize