Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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