Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
