I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
