oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
