He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
