Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
