So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize