evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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