your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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