We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
