remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
