i think my tv is drunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
