Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
