I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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