walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
