toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
