you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
