I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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