I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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