He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
