i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
