I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
