Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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