Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
