can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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