your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
