How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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