No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
