two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
