Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
