Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
