Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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