they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
