I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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