Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
