i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
