The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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