If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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