Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
