Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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