Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
