Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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