I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
