her vagine was all disorganized.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize