the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
love makes seman taste better
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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