The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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