i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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