Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
