what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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