I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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