census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
