I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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