Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No subtext here. People are naked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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