I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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