how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
