True but thats because hes a fetus.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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