there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
