We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize