Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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