No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
