Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
