There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize