This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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