U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
