I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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