Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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