Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
