Sry I called you an 8
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
