We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize