you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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