Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
