In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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