hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize