You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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