Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
