I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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