you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
