i permit you to call me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
