I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
