Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
