it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize