Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
