Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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