I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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