she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
