In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
