what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
