He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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