So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
