Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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