My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
