Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
