i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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