I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
