Nicole vs. Life
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
