Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
